Someday you'll miss me like I missed you. Someday...
if i was a doctor
hot guy: i sprained my wrist
me: okay take off your underwear
Being such a good cook that even the fire alarm...
me: *calls 911* HELP
911: hello this is the 911 operator what is your emergency
me: this dumb bitch put in 3 chicken mcnuggets instead of 4 and she didn't give me no barbecue sauce
Walmart: Let's buy 30 cash registers and only keep two open